i was a goth. or was i?
i recently posted a real life story about an incident from my youth. in that story, i mentioned that my friends and i were goths. several of the comments to the story were derogatory toward the goth statement. this surprised me. i immediately went on the defensive and fought back to defend the group that i identified with as a youngster. it seemed that everyone had a very negative view of what a ‘goth’ was. maybe the audience was much younger, or maybe the audience was mostly used to the american stereotype of a goth, i’m not sure.
one thing that did come out of it was the fallout of identifying with a stereotype. several of the comments made really had me thinking hard about the differences of goths between the years and between the continents. not only did i really have to think about what the general goth movement was about, but what was ‘i’ about.
i did quite a bit of thinking back on my youth and how my friends and i would spend most of our time. it’s been fun looking back on that. i pulled out some old boxes of memory items that i happened to bring to la with me. i dug through some old books, some old drawings and some old writings. hehe…i even re-read ‘the cask of amontillado’ by poe, one of the first grisly novelettes i ever read. i broke out some of the old cd’s (not the original purchases, which are still on vinyl back in lasne), faith by the cure, treasure by cocteau twins, within the realm of a dying sun by dead can dance. it brought back some fun memories of sitting alone in my bedroom after school, journaling or reading while side one of faith played over and over on the record player. there was an annoying skip right at the start of other voices. when listening to the cd, i almost expected to have to get up and move the needle. the memory was so real.
i realized though that i wasn’t so much a goth as i was a gloomy geek, or broodingly bookish. yes, i like quite a bit of the music that was considered in the goth genre, and i did dress drab, but i didn’t have the fascination with death, vampirism or evil that most people seem to identify with the goth movement.
i was more of a geek. i liked books, i liked art, i liked music, i liked solitude.
i’m grown now, and i dress for function, not fashion…
i was more of a geek. i liked books, i liked art, i liked music, i liked solitude.
i’m grown now, and i dress for function, not fashion…
but the geek in me remains. i guess i’ll always be that girl that likes books, art, music and solitude.
a single note rings on and on and on

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