tomorrow will be the first time since i’ve been doing this commuting that i won’t be taking the airport shuttle or leaving my car in long term parking. mr. mountainbike is going to take me to seatac after my run in the morning. it was weird when he asked if i wanted him to take me to the airport. it kind of caught me off guard. i mean, it’s been a couple years now that i’ve been going through this routine. having mr. mountainbike drop me off means that i have to have him pick me up when i get back. it’s like i just signed a contract with him. now i’ll feel guilty if i spend any time with mike. weird how that works.
i have talked to mike a couple times since i’ve been up here. he said that he wanted to get together when i get down there. but i know that i won’t be able to enjoy myself and not think about mr. mountainbike. see, i didn’t miss mike at all. yeah, we’ve only seen each other all of what, three times? so it’s not like i’ve developed this deep attachment to him, but i didn’t even really think about him until he called the other day. on the other hand, i KNOW i’ll miss mr. mountainbike.
ack, i’m just all mixed up in the head about this whole thing. i don’t like dating, let alone dating more than one guy. i’ll see how i feel on sunday after a day without mr. mountainbike and determine then whether i should let mike down easily. i really don’t want to lead him on, i guess i respect him more than that.
i just put this on draft mode and read back through the last few entries. i’m obsessed with mr. mountainbike. it’s funny how when you’re involved with something you can’t really see how involved you are. it takes a look from the outside to make things a little clearer. yeah, it’s pretty obvious to me now that i shouldn’t pursue anything with mike.
done deal.