i’ve run the bizarre range of emotions in the past few days. from my highs of some great phone calls from mr. mountainbike, to the lows of finding out my contract will not be renewed next year, it’s been a roller coaster, to say the least. where do i start?
well, first off, i’m a pretty independent girl. i came to the states on my own, i’ve been single for years, i consult solo, i’m not afraid to walk around town after dark. why then am i missing mr. mountainbike so much? it’s like i’ve got a gimped limb and my cane has gone missing. or better yet, it’s the time that i opened up a wonderful set of playmobiles on christmas morning. i was overjoyed (no, i never played with dolls) and then heartbroken to find out that they were for my brother.
each time i go out for a run, i half expect mr. mountainbike to come up behind me with his patented ‘tag, you’re it’ line, or see him along the trail waving some wacky banner with macaroni glued to it. it’s just not the same with him not around. no, it’s not some lame crush either. i get really comfortable around him. like i said before, i feel whole, as if he was a partner and we’re in this thing together. with him not around, i get this weird empty feeling. which has me all discombobulated, seeing as how i’m a self sufficient, independent woman.
and then i get a call from mike. and he’s sweet on the phone, wanting to get together and spend some time just hanging out. and i told him no. before i even had time to think about it, i’d given that answer. he went quiet for a bit and then asked why. i was honest, but kind. i told him that i was beginning to get involved with another guy and that the timing for us was just poor. he really sounded shocked. all he could really muster was an ‘oh, okay then’. it really brought me down, having to do that, but i’m glad that it’s over with.
men. feh.
so i’m on this high with my feelings for mr. mountainbike, and i get delt a blow here at the office to get me grounded again. i received the final word that due to budget cuts, my contract would not be renewed for next year. basically, they decided that they’d just scrap the project that i’ve been working on for the past six months. at first i was furious. the whole reason that they’re cutting my contract from the budget is to throw money at the problems that my project is specifically planned to fix. how could they be so blind? how could they not see the potential for growth if they implemented this tool? and then i realized i was reacting from preservation mode. in reality, if this company can’t recognize the long term effects of a decision like this, do i really want to stick around here? yes, there is quite a bit of money to be made on companies that are inept in areas like this, but that’s not what i’m about. i fix problems. i don’t thrive off of prolonging them. i enjoy a stellar success record and i plan on maintaining that.
so, i shelved the frustration and anger and checked out a new book. it’s called ‘determination’. i will finish this project before the end of the year, and implement it before my contract is up. i will prove to this company the benefit of this tool. i will ensure that next year they see no need to hire those additional personnel. i will ensure that they see a massive reduction in manufacturing costs. i will maintain my stellar success record.
so, i’m diving into these remaining few months of 2003 with renewed determination. and once this year is over, i’m going to say goodbye to california.
…oh, and i’m cashing in some frequent flier miles this weekend.